What's wrong with a long hose?

A lot of people regard the long hose concept with horror - usually people who’ve never even seen it in use.

They complain vocally about the choking dangers of having a hose going right across your throat - even though it doesn’t actually go near your throat.

They complain about the excess hose being an entanglement hazard - even though a long hose is kept close to the body, and sticks out less than a short one.

They proclaim loudly that the last thing that you want to do in an OOA situation is have both divers without a working DV in their mouth - ignoring the fact that the backup reg, being kept right under your chin on a necklace, is instantly accessible.

They argue that people are trained to reach for an octopus, so donating the DV in your mouth will cause confusion - despite it being proven that in a typical OOA scenario, the DV that gets grabbed by the buddy is almost always the one in your mouth.

They point out that your buddy is sure to knock your mask off when pulling the hose over your head - even though this is not borne out by experience, and is no significant danger anyway. Anyone with a long hose is likely to be carrying a spare mask, and be proficient in mask clearing. The only time a long hose may cause problems with your mask is if you adopt the dreadful practice of having a snorkel tucked into your mask strap during a dive.

Also, there is a very significant benefit when carrying multiple gases. If you’re planning to use more than one breathing gas during a dive, there are usually dangers associated with breathing the wrong one. Either there’ll be too much Oxygen, in which case your OOA buddy isn’t just gasping for air, he’s convulsing from Oxygen toxicity. Or there’ll be too little Oxygen, in which case your buddy is no longer gasping for breath, he’s dead from lack of Oxygen. Or, of course, he’s just not getting any gas at all, because you dive with your stages turned off.
How do you make sure your buddy always goes for a safe reg? Simple. The reg you’re breathing is always the right reg for the depth you’re at. That’s why you’re breathing it. It is the ONLY reg that is guaranteed to be safe for your current depth. Therefore, it is the reg your buddy should go for.

Some people like to ‘stuff’ their long hoses, usually by tucking it into bungee on their cylinders. It works, but it’s either impossible or very difficult for them to re-stuff it during a dive. That may not seem a problem, since you only un-stuff the reg when your buddy goes OOA, but a lot of OOA scenarios are temporary - things like a cylinder valve closing, dropping your DV and not being able to find it fast enough, or reaching a depth where you can start using your deco gas, at which point you are no longer depending on your buddy for gas. Plus, of course, there’s the possibility that the hose may simply fall out of the bungee.
All of these mean that stuffing the hose is, to me, a bad option. I prefer to be able to quickly and easily donate and re-stow my hose. It means I can run through an OOA drill without having to have my buddy re-stuff my hose for me. It also allows me to control how much hose I actually donate - I don't have to release the full 2m length.

This is another reason people claim long hoses to be unsafe - With an octopus, they say, your buddy has to stay close to you. With a long hose, if he panics and bolts for the surface, he can get so far away that you can’t take control, so he’ll just drag you up and you’ll both end up at the surface Bent.
This, however, ignores a couple of things.

Firstly, there is no reason for your buddy to panic and bolt when he’s breathing off your long hose. If he’s got air, why would he bolt? Secondly, while a long hose will stay in place without anything holding it, it is rare for a 2m hose not to be held at the hip - usually by a cannister light. Before I had such a light, I used a weight pocket in the same place, which worked fine. A panicking buddy may pull on your long hose to try and get extra length, but this will not cause all of it to be released - like a dog’s choke chain, pulling it only draws it tighter. Therefore, unless you yourself deploy the full length of the hose, your buddy does not have a full two meters. And whilst that leaves maybe a meter and a half of hose, this excess is not significant, because this length of hose does not come from the shoulder, it comes up from the hip. Your buddy can’t get far enough above you with this length to be out of your control. Thirdly, even if, for some reason, you have deployed the full length of hose, and your buddy has still panicked and bolted, you still have one last option. - you reach over your shoulder, and turn off the air supply to his DV. With the air supply off, your buddy can no longer gain air from your long hose. He will therefore either release it and go for an emergency ascent; or return down to you, to use your other DV. It might sound like a nasty thing to do, but if your buddy takes you both up too fast, you’re both likely to get Bent. By turning off your air, you reduce the potential for casualties from two to either one or none. Finally: What makes you assume that being close to your buddy means you can take control? If your buddy is irrational enough to bolt for the surface, he’s not going to meekly let you slow him down. He’ll fight you every step of the way. If he’s right in front of you and you try and dump air from his BC, he won’t just watch you do it. He’ll knock your hand away, and probably start flailing about at you to stop what he perceives as your endangerment of him. Chances are he’ll dislodge your mask. He may even knock your reg out of your mouth, so as well as being blind, you’re asphyxiating. You’re both going up fast, the air in your suit and BC is expanding, adding to your net buoyancy and making you ascend ever faster, you can’t see, you can’t breathe... and yet, somehow, you’re still in control because you’re near to your buddy? I don’t think so. If your buddy is irrational enough to endanger you both, you’re better off not being close to him. First rule of rescue - don’t kill yourself trying to save your buddy.